I want to emphasize the benefit that participation in an Alzheimer support group has meant for me over the past three years. Since my mother’s passing my attendance has been a bit erratic, but last night I went. To my delighted surprise every one of the family attendees were people that I have come to regard as family for me over the past several years.
Four of us have lost our loved ones within the past year and a half, the most recent having been two weeks ago. Following our support group tradition each person present had a turn to speak.
Three spoke about how much participation in the support group had guided them in caring for their loved one. One in particular said she might have been able to keep her mom at home longer had she joined the support group earlier in her mom’s illness. Another mentioned how her approach to care of her loved one had helped her relax as she gained more knowledge through group attendance.
I was able to voice a concern I had had for my mother that I had never brought out to the open before. The concern was that I never had a talk with my mother about what had really happened to her, perhaps helping her understand that it was not at all anything she had caused. I remember early on her frustration about not being able to care for herself as she normally did. She would say, “I just don’t know what to do!” How I feel for what she had to go through.
In the middle of caregiving there were many, many times that I voiced frustration with my mother when it was damaging emotionally for both of us. Regular attendance at the support group allowed me to step back and, with the support of our medical specialist leader and group members, review what happened and brainstorm better ways of dealing with the situation in the future.
Over time the support group participation has fostered a unique bond that is precious to each of us. We have felt the freedom to express our thoughts and know that whatever we said was safe within our group. There has been an empathy for what each of us has been going through. That bond keeps me coming even though I am not still actively dealing with the caregiving of my mom.
I do hope you still attend when you feel like it! It is an important bond. I was struck that night by how many losses there had been among us. I worry sometimes that I stun people with the things I say, but you are right, I feel safe there.